HI YA!!~ Kyaa~ finally the exams for this year is over,... but i still feel really worried for my "N"-levels and if possible my "O"-levels too, really cause i knida scare myself thinking how am i gonna pass if i carry on doing the normal standard and not the express or more difficult standard, thus i continue to study till today but it really isn't very intense but i've been trying to do "O"-level maths, chemistry, and now in the nidst of physics... i intend to read 20 books with more than 200 pages this holiday, i've really gotta work hard as my one and only ambition now is to be a Lawyer, yea to uphold justice and rights, well orginally i thought there was a course for law in poly, but came to find out that there really wasn't i had to go to a JC to reach my ambition, but just by staring at my results today although to many it was good, but comparing my standards to the express, i find myself less superior and less worthly of reaching my goals, i sometimes am afraid of the truth behind this, wishing that the "O"s would be that easy but i doubt it would, i probably won't even make it pass the "N"s with this kinda standards, i keep my spirits up at times, but fail to console myself about the horrible truth of reality, i really wasn't very happy with my results, considering my standards, and my ambitions,.... overall i fail...as a personal calculation towards my goals.... everytime i stare at the A1 i score and ask will i be able to keep it, having this marks will it be the same in the "O"s?.... questions like these hinders me....will i even be able to score for "O"s, will i even be able to pass my "N"s i really wonder.... i am happy for my results this year... but... will this joy and success last forever? i really am scared... im afraid to fail... im afraid to fall... im afraid... cause i know not even my friends can pick me up from this fall... what do i do? i studied 8 hours for 2 weeks for such results...failing to reach my goals ....what do i do ...im afraid... every 4 hours of study everyday i shed 2 hours of tears.... knowing that even if i pass i will still probably fail my major exams I REALLY AM AFRAID...what do i do ....i can't kill myself now.. it really isn't worth...i really really hope that the teachers state the truth, the real possiblity of us passing... not a flood of lies.... i don't wanna guess anymore... really...stop flooding reality with lies just to get us going...if we really can't make it then just say...really stop it...how can even be happy with this results....i think the reason im down with gastronomical lack is because of these various questions...but lately my friends they helped me to slowly cure... now i can eat but have to chew till liquid and shallow it with water to avoid total digesting... it is time wasting... but if i can eat i will waste 4 hours just to finish my dish... by the way... in the afternoon, i, mum and little bro went out, i had papa beard cream custard, although i was hard to eat i did my best... i really wish to eat out with my friends again, sharing and eating,...i wish they could see me eat today... for the first time in 6 mths i got to taste real food in the afternoon..but i couldn't finish all on my own so i spat out some of it on tissue and like as usual i had to rush to the ladies to vommit it out again.... although it was short but i enjoyed ever bite...hahha... i wanted to cry when i took the bite i even took my bro's piece as he couldn't finish... i didn't want to properly announce it to the rest as i'm still in recovery... and yea i still have to nourish myself through liquid glucose still, but im recovering the doc said... anyways it's just a really happy news to share anyways oh yea so far i got 4 distinctions for final yr, and language still not confirm as im not sure how to calculate the score hahha...
JAn~jaN janice the happy and the patient...hhhhah
CHOCOLATE ;;
8:32 AM <3